I have had my share of bumps and bruises along with broken bones and stitches throughout the course of my life.  Sure I’ve been hurt and felt lots of pain.  However, nothing hurt as much as watching my son get worked over by a couple of nurses.

Matthew was running a 102.9 temperature on Tuesday.  I left work, picked him up from daycare and made my way over to the pediatricians office.  The doctor let me know that his temperature wasn’t uncommon.  But the fact that he was only 3 months old, they had do run some test to make sure there wasn’t a bigger problem going on.  What Dr. Lee referred to as a “work up” meant they would need to check his blood and urine.  After about a 5 second delay, the doctor looked at me realizing that I was trying to process how they would be able to do a urine test without waiting around for hours without a diaper on.  Then I received the unfortunate news… they would be drawing blood from his arm, and using a catheter to extract urine.

I stayed cool and tried to put on my brave face.  Now I have never had a catheter, but I know what happens.  Even with that being said… I was not prepared.  Looking back, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for that moment.  Two nurses stepped in with their tools.  I was asked to undress Matthew and be prepared to console him through the process.  I remained calm and cool through everything (on the outside).  The reality was, I wished my wife was with me.  After all she is a doctor as well and would be able to tell me everything would be ok.  For the first few seconds, my boy stayed strong… and then the “needle” just kept going.

The screams were like something out of a horror movie.  His face turned bright red.  His tongue darted out and was vibrating with every shriek from his little body.  His eyes started watering from his violent reaction.  There was nothing I could do to comfort him in that moment.   And that’s when for the first time I truly realized that as a parent, you are willing to do anything for your kids.  I definitely would have done anything to take that pain away from him.  Thoughts were flying through my head.  Watching what happened was anguishing and I just wanted to hold him close and tell him everything was going to be ok.  There was still the blood test to complete… but after what he just went through, that was a piece of cake.

He quickly calmed down as I held him, trying to console him.  A few minutes later the doctor came back in and informed me that the immediate results were clean and although the tests did have to be sent out to the lab, this was a good sign.

I now know a new definition of helpless.  Matthew is still fighting through his first fever 36 hours later.  All I want is for him to get better… and quick.  As a parent, there is nothing you can do.  It’s a waiting game.  I knew this day would come, however I was not prepared for it so soon.  I try to remain calm in all situations, usually looking at the big picture.  I keep telling myself he is going to be fine.  I try not to focus on what could be wrong.

Going forward all future “painful” experiences will be measured up to the time I saw a catheter put into my boy and there was nothing I could do to help him.  Matthew will never remember this visit to the doctors office.  I will never forget it.