I remember distinctly the many visits when I would take our family dog, Penny, to the vet through the years.  Like clockwork, she would be so excited upon entering the facility, that she would crouch down and proceed to pee all over the floor.  Perhaps she was nervous… perhaps she was excited… maybe a little of both.  I believe it was a pretty normal act for many pets as the staff always seemed prepared with paper towels nearby.

Never would I have ever imagine that my son would have a similar reaction when he heads into the doctors office.  Lucky Unfortunately for us, it happens to come out the “other” end.  At least the last 2 times he has visited a doctors office, including earlier this week.  But it’s not just that he poops… he poops OUT.

Anne took him in for his 9 month checkup with the pediatrician Tuesday morning. While waiting to be called into an office, she checked Matthew’s diaper and found that he had taken care of business.  So she made her way to the bathroom and discovered that it was not business as usual.  She had expected this to be a manageable situation, however, what she quickly discovered was that her hand had become covered in poop. Now trying to wash her hands, she glanced over and realized no one was holding Matthew, and she became even more unglued.  The day quickly took a turn for the worse as both the shirt and pants were destroyed… destroyed by poop, rendering them completely unwearable.

As my wife was trying to get him cleaned up, she could hear the ladies in the office calling for Matthew – it was his turn with the doctor.  “Matthew… Matthew… Matthew” the calls got louder.  As Anne shouted back, “I’m in the bathroom, we will be out in a minute”, she frantically tried to clean up Junior.  Now, not only was it all over Matthew, all over his clothes, and all over Anne’s hands… but the changing table had turned into an utter disaster.  As Anne tried to quickly get herself and Matthew back together, there were no clothes to put on Matty.  So wrapped in just a diaper, socks, and mommy’s loving arms – it was finally time to head in and see the nurse.

I can imagine the frazzled look on Anne’s face spoke volumes of the situation before she even had to say a word.  Still bundled up in her winter coat and scarf (with the room hotter than the surface of the sun) and now sweating profusely and exasperated, the nurse was nice enough to ask if she needed any help.  Since there was an extra pair of pants out in the car that were slated to head to daycare, they had now become the emergency pair at the doctors office.  So Anne ran out to the car and grabbed the pants as the nurse started checking out Matthew.  Of course, he was as happy as ever and just continued enjoying the day.

Unfortunately there was no shirt to add to the ensemble, so when Matthew was ready to head out of the office and into daycare, he resemble a tiny version of Kid Rock… or really any white trash dude, as he only had on his knock off North Face jacket with no shirt.  That’s right young toddler and infant ladies… my boy is a stud.  Seriously, how many people can pull off that look? Pants, but no shirt, and a fleece jacket!

I am starting to think we should look into the Luvs diaper.  I gotta say that I their current commercial airing is an instant classic.  Lets give it up to contestant number 3.  That face is priceless (and all too familiar)… and well, the results are priceless too.  (right Anne)?  If only Costco carried the Luvs brand.

I certainly hope his next visit is a little less eventful, for everyones sake!