I’m dissapointed in myself. It’s not the first time, and I am certain it won’t be the last. For over 10 months I have been extremely focused on July 10th, 2012.  I had a goal to reach and a plan in place. 

I ran in my second 10K on Memorial Day.  It was hot and hilly.  And anyone who asks me how the race was… my answer has been that it was HOT and HILLY. The race went ok.  I finished a couple of minutes slower than Pike’s Peak the month prior, but under much different conditions. I am not dissapointed in my results from the race. It’s acually everything that has happened since the race.

I had planned to take off a couple of days from running and resume training on Thursday.  It was a busy week and weekend as we were celebrating Matthew’s 1st birthday. As of today I have still not worked out.  So I am now at a week since my last workout.  That’s by far the longest I have gone since last summer. On top of that, during my little hiatus, I have managed to eat anything and everything in sight. If I would have known taking a mini-vaca from running would lead to a downward spiral of all of my work, I would have never done it. Don’t get me wrong… it’s been fun, but I can assure you first hand that it’s not worth it. The short term gratification of the flavor fat full meal leaves a guilty feeling and extra work to do.

NOT again

Yes, there have been some obstacles that have made things difficult over the last week.  Yet I feel that I have quickly forgotten everything I have learned, and at the same time lost the discipline that has gotten me this far.  Last Monday I stepped on the scale to reveal that I was down 75 pounds from where I started. Perhaps I was resting on my laurels. Perhaps I just wanted to enjoy the recognition I had been receiving for what I had accomplished.  Either way… I ended up eating leftover chocolate cake for a meal on more than one occasion and managed to eat a 4th meal – 2 different days last week.

I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the chocolate cake!

The worst part is, I can’t seem to stop the slide. Why is it so easy to eat crappy once you start? Yeah, it taste so good. But I now feel like crap. Unfortunately I can’t decipher if I feel like crap from the lack of exercise or the eating in excess, because both are happening simultaneouly. I have come to the realization that my ultimate goal of losing 100 pounds in one calendar year is not going to happen by my birthday. Well, at least it won’t happen without me cutting off one of my legs or arms.  I have been committed to the goal… but not that committed!

So I need to re-group, re-assess and re-focus. I’ve always known that reaching my goal by my birthdate was just more for a story that sounded good.  Some people jump out of airplanes, some travel somewhere exotic, and some even get tattoo’s to mark their arrival at a milestone birthday. I wanted to say that I dropped 100 pounds.  There is just something about 100 that sounds good. It seems to roll off my tongue so fluidly.  But the bottom line is, losing 100 pounds IS the goal… the birthday deadline was the sexy part of it. I actually have much loftier goals than the 100. I had planned to relax once I hit that mark and soak it all in, and then start making my march to a final goal weight of 200 lbs. Based on what has happened over the last week, I don’t think it will be wise for me to take any time off.

But it does lead me to another issue. What is going to happen when I do ultimately reach my goal(s)? I would like to believe that during this past week I was just not mentally prepared to stop the damage once things went south. Will I be able to live a “normal” life without being in fear mode of going back to my old ways?  At this point only time will tell.

I wrote a note on the cake that my wife made after I decided that I had had my last piece.  It read, it was good great while it lasted, but it’s time to get back to work. So now it is time for me to get back to work – officially.  My 3 days turned into a week, but I’m not going to let it deter me into letting another week get by, and then before I know it, I can just blow off the entire month. 

Tuesday morning starts anew. I have 35 days to accomplish what I can in one calendar year.  Perhaps 82 or 88 or even 90, will be the new 100.  88 pounds sounds kind of sexy too!