So as to avoid any confusion from the title, unlike the picture below… there is no comma missing, and I am not suggesting that he doesn’t speak.  The question is, do you speak the language of Matthew.

The kid is funny as can be (sure, I’m biased).  He is constantly talking, laughing, excited, screaming, and most importantly smiling, but most people haven’t gotten an opportunity to see that side of him.  Matthew is very shy around everyone except me and Anne.  Or so we thought.

Not too long ago we had him “assessed” by the Montgomery County Infant and Toddlers program.  They came to the house and observed him a couple of times where he displayed much of what we see on an every day basis.  However, when they went to his school (a.k.a daycare), they discovered that he has selective mutism. 

For months we had heard off and on at school that he didn’t talk much.  To be honest, I somewhat blew it off.  He doesn’t stop talking from the moment I pick him up at school until he goes night-night.  But one day one of the teachers looked at me with a surprised look on her face and asked if he was just talking to me.  And she then went on to tell me that she never hears him talk.  To say the least, that was a little startling.  So at his 2 year checkup we brought up some of the observations from his school and the doctor suggested looking into having him assesed since it wouldnt hurt anything, and it was free.  Who doesn’t love something when it’s free?

We hesitated at first.  Mostly because I thought it wasn’t necessary.  I was still holding onto the belief that he was shy and that some point soon, these same teachers were going to be wishing that Matthew would go back to not talking.  But after my Aunt (who worked for the same county program for years) spent some time with Matthew and also suggested that it wouldn’t hurt to have him assesed, we decided to go for it. 

Both Anne and I can be shy at first, so I didn’t think it would last.  And to be honest, who wants to think there is something wrong with their kid.  But in hindsight, I am glad we decided to call the county when we did.  We are working with a very nice social worker who set some very low expectation for us.  We were told that Matthew would not show any significant changes for anywhere from 6 months to up to 2 years.  We understood that there might be small behavioral changes that most may not notice, but we would pick up on.  However an outsider likely would continue to think Matthew was just one very shy kid. 

Some of the minor instructions we were given initially were to praise Matthew for the little things.  Of course we want him to be able to say hello to a friend or neighbor, but initially just making eye contact is a huge step.  We are to tell him how brave he was for looking at _______.  And tell him how proud we are when he does _______.  We also prepare Matthew ahead of time for what is to come.  Whether it’s heading to school, or someone coming over to the house.  We are trying to instill a “plan” for him so he has more of a handle on what’s to come.  In addition, we are making a conscious effort to not assume we know what he wants and have him verbalize his thoughts as much as possible. 

I am thrilled to report that just in the last month we have seen some very positive changes.  No longer does he cling to Mommy when he gets dropped off at day care.  He is not just making eye contact, but giving out high fives and smiles instead of “Noooooo”.  He is playing with groups of kids at school everyday and has adjusted well in some social settings over the last couple of weeks with kids he had just met.

So in case you run into Matthew on the mean streets of Old Farm, and you do want to chat with him…. here are a few quick tips and definitions of words he often uses.

Matthew will often repeat a word over and over and over again.  He just wants you to repeat it as well as a way to acknowledge him.

If you ask Matthew what color something is, the default is yellow.  He knows plenty of colors, but the first time… it’s ALWAYS yellow.

If you ask Matthew what number something is, the default is always 2.  He knows plenty of numbers as well (and can count to 10), but the first time… it’s always 2.

And if you ask him if he is hot, he will say he is cold.  If you ask him if he is wet, he will say he is dry.  (guess it’s good to know your opposites)

Big BUP  –  big truck  (any truck – pickup, fullsize, tractor trailer)

Dat Dat – next to  (for example Daddy’s car dat dat Mommy’s car)

Vroom Vroom – motorcycle

Weeeooo Weeooo – firetruck, police car, ambulance.  (I think it’s safe to say, any emergency vehicle)

Copter – helicopter (formerly know as tica tica tica)

Special Consideration, and my personal favorites – ANIMAL SOUNDS.  He may not say the name of the animal, but boy can he tell you what they would say if they were next to you.

Monkey – AH AHHHH

Cow – Moooooooooooooooooooooooo

Duck – Quat Quat

Cat – Meoooow

Dog – Dooa

Lion – ROOOOOOAAARRRRR

Bear – ARRRROAAAARRRR (with his hands waving in front of him like crazy)

Sheep – Baaaaa

Elephant – Wheeeewwwww

Chicken – Chittten

Snake – sssssssssss

Toad – CROOAK

Dinosaur – DINE O SORE (in the voice of a young Barry White)

Camel – HUMP DAY (just kidding, but he does love the commercial, or is that his Daddy – Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike)

At this point there is no way to measure if it is the program that has already had an impact on his behavior.  Perhaps he got more situated in his new classroom.  Or maybe he just is becoming more comfortable with who he is.  We are just glad to see the improvement.  Here is to hoping everybody’s ears get tired when Matty boy is around!