I’ve been struggling as of late. I feel like I am in a pivotal time period in my life. At 41 years old I was truly hoping I would have a clear direction of what my career would be. But I wake up every morning with no real sense of fulfillment. I am merely going through the motions. Sometimes I wonder how much of that is rubbing off into other areas of my life. I certainly thought I would make my mark by now. After 20 years in the “professional” workforce, I still find myself asking people what they do for a living, hoping to find something that could spark my interest.

Don’t get me wrong. I work hard, I give 100 percent and I consider myself a company man. I have earned a lot of respect and am recognized as a leader in my position within the company. However there seems to be a wall in front of me. I don’t think I want my bosses job (although he isn’t going anywhere) and I haven’t seriously considered relocating to find a better opportunity within the company. Yet the thought of me doing the same thing for the next 20 years frightens me. Part of me is scared to start something new for the fear of building from the ground up. Part of me is scared to leave the comfort of what I already know with a proven track record. I don’t want to look back in a decade and think I wish I would of jumped “then”, because now it’s too late. Is it too late now?

I sat up last week watching The Beatles tribute. The impact that those 4 individuals had on the world is to put it lightly, amazing. But as I watched performer after performer come out on stage, I was impressed of how good each is at their craft. I often wonder if there is something that I could be so good at, but I have yet to try it. Or worse so… I was scared to. When reading Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell used The Beatles as an example of practicing 10,000 hours to achieve “mastery” in their field. I’m not sure I have put that much time into any one single activity throughout the course of my life (besides watching TV – but I have certainly mastered that).

What worries me the most is the lack of burning desire. I seem to be ok with the status quo. Is it odd to want to be great? I just don’t desire to be the greatest warehouse manager. What’s troubling to me now is that lack of time I seem to have to do anything. And it’s not just me, IT’S EVERYONE! We are so busy living day to day, it becomes harder to carve out the time to do anything but walk the dog, go to work, pick up the kid from daycare, make dinner… because before you know it, it’s 9pm and your exhausted and have to do it all over again. I never wanted to be one of those people that lived for the weekends. However, now that seems to be the case, and the worst part is I can be happy having time to do “nothing”.

A neighbor of mine mentioned that she thinks people today put a greater emphasis on doing something great. Referring that in our parents era it was just fine to go to work, provide for your family and not be so worried about the big picture. I couldn’t disagree more. If your not striving for greatness, what are you doing? Perhaps I would see things differently if I had a clear cut path. I’m jealous of people who knew what they wanted to be when they were a kid… and as an adult, they are living it. For example, my wife knew that she wanted to be a doctor. And she is a doctor. As stupid as it sounds now, when I was a kid… I just wanted to be rich. So I looked at the best paying careers and saw that International Banker had a high salary. And so I became a Finance Manager. To this day I have no idea what an International Banker does. I wonder if I had followed a path of something that I really enjoyed doing, even if the pay wasn’t great, put the time and energy in… how long it would have taken until I achieved the financial success that I was originally striving for? And would I be infinitely happier because I was doing something I loved to do, and not just working for the man?

I’m hoping to figure this out sooner than later. While my career doesn’t necessarily define who I am, the fact that I spend 40+ hours a week focusing on it helps shape my character. Surely I will continue to be the best father and husband that I can, and perhaps that’s enough. But I am certainly hoping there is more…