Unlike Janet Jackson, circa 1986, I have no self control. It’s not everyday, and it’s not every week, but when I do lose control, it’s not pretty. Sunday night was ugly.

Much like my previously documented episode at the end of last year, I was succumbed by the power of the chocolate covered nut. This time it was the lovely and talented macadamia nut flown in from Hawaii. My friend stated upon handing the can over to me… “I know your trying to lose weight, but these are my favorite” (or something close to that). After receiving this treat as a gift – I felt compelled to at least try them.

Now granted they have been in the pantry for around a month. I had hidden them out of my direct sight line and almost forgotten about them… almost.

The Victim

So imagine me standing in my kitchen evaluating whether or not I should pop the top and dig in. I did have a debate in my head, which seems to be happening more often lately. After having a late lunch I was planning on just a simple dinner of soup… and well, macadamia nuts. So what harm was a couple of handfuls? As I read the label I saw 10 pieces equalled 230 calories. OK, no problem. I could handle a serving. Actually I had room for two.

Have you ever had cholocate covered macadiam nuts? I had underestimated their power, their strength, their unbridled passion for my mouth. I couldn’t stop. One handful, two handfuls, three handfuls, four. As Dan Patrick alway used to say… “you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him” In this case, the HIM was the nuts. Or was it me going nuts? The best part of this episode is that I actually thought there were a total of 10 servings in the container, mostly due to the serving size being 10 nuts. So after devouring half the can in less than 20 minutes I somehow justified that it was only 1200 calories… I could work that off. But, NO. There were 18 servings in the can. I had just pounded over 2,000 calories. 

So now I have to realize that I have some food “issues”. I can be committed, focused and determined for 23 hours and 50 minutes a day. But when I lose control, even for just a brief period of time, I am still going to be fat. Lately I am finding myself lacking discipline. Perhaps it’s because the scale hasn’t moved for me in almost a month. I have been sitting at the exact weight I was on my wedding day. Maybe there is a mental block?

I’ve actually been telling anyone who asks, that I have lost 50 pounds since I started. The truth is I have been stuck at 48 for weeks. Perhaps this is the universe telling me to be honest. So here I am telling the blogging world (my small handful of readers) that I’m almost half way there. With all of these weekly weigh-ins and no movement I had been hopeful that there would be a week that I drop a big number.  Perhaps it’s still on the horizon.

But if I am being truthful with myself, I have to really look in the mirror and ask myself why I have been finding excuses to cheat. I haven’t been going to the gym as consistently, but I have been sneaking extra bites and treats in here and there and then trying to justify my actions. Telling myself I’ll put in an extra 10 minutes at the gym today… but then I don’t even go at all. Life does get in the way from time to time, however, my “diet”, or lack of one may be the primary problem. I’ve managed to get away by eating the foods I have wanted so far, but now with the stalling, it may be time to button up.

Of course at the same time I have constant thoughts running through my head…

• Should I join weight watchers?  Nah, that’s for chicks and washed up athletes who need cash
• Should I try drinking slim fast?  A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner pizza
• Should I work out in the morning?  I can barely get up and go to work
• Should I work out twice a day?  I’m can’t even commit to once a day
• Should I get a personal trainer?  I’m too cheap

Is my confidence wavering? Perhaps. Am I constantly searching for answers? Yes. Do I drive myself crazy? Pretty much. Do I drive my wife crazy? ABSOLUTELY!

Stay tuned for the next installment of “Will The Scale Move” this coming Monday.